Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye
by IdPattThat
Summary: He won't let her into his heart, so she settles for his bed.
1. Denial

**So, Stephenie owns things. JD and Sarah put up with me. This story is five chapters long, I just needed to get them out of my head. It's a little schmangsty. And no cheating, just FYI. ;)**

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Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Denial

**Her**

"_Come over," he said quietly. _

_I took a deep breath before I replied. "Nothing good will come from that." _

"_I beg to differ," he chuckled, and the sound of it raised goosebumps on my skin. _

"_I'll see you soon." _

I wanted to hate him, I really did.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't because I'd done it to myself.

I let him in when I shouldn't have.

He smiled, but it wasn't at me. I wanted it to be at me.

His copper hair fell across his forehead as he bent over the bar, wiping up spots with a cloth, before filling orders and making conversation with patrons.

After a while, his gaze shifted to me and the corner of his mouth quirked up into a small smile. My whole body warmed, but I frowned. I didn't want him to have that kind of effect on me, that kind of control.

But he did.

Whenever his hands slid through his hair all I thought of was how they felt on my body. He bit his lip and I could still feel the way he kissed me as he pressed me up against the wall.

He looked away before my imagination could run away with me, and I found myself staring at my drink and wondering why I punished myself this way.

Then the thought of his warm breath in my ear and his skin on mine made me remember.

"You're blushing. I hope you're thinking something dirty." His voice was low in my ear, tinged with a slight accent that you couldn't place unless you knew him well enough to know where he was from…I didn't.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I muttered, turning away. His hand stopped me, tight on my hip, fingers brushing against my skin.

"I would, actually," he whispered. "Maybe you'll show me later."

He left before I could respond, and I took a moment to get myself under control.

It didn't take him long to find me after the bar closed. People milled about, cleaning and preparing for the next business day, but not him. He beckoned me with a nod of his head, and I went quite willingly.

"I'm glad you came tonight," he whispered, before pulling me into the small apartment over the bar.

"I haven't yet," I replied with what I hoped was a sexy smirk. He laughed while we stumbled into the bedroom, shedding our clothes in the process.

It didn't take long for him to guide me to the unmade bed and press me into the mattress. He pulled away a moment later and made his way to the bathroom. Cabinets slammed and the light turned off, then he made his way to me. His body stretched over mine, and soon enough he'd pushed himself inside. I whimpered and drew him deeper, hands digging into his shoulders and legs wrapping around his waist.

He panted against my neck, heavy breaths that made me wish we were more than what we were. I pushed his shoulder back, and he grabbed my ass as we rolled with him still buried inside me. He groaned as I moved over him, my body moving quickly and begging for release, his fingers slipping between my legs and over my slick skin, making me moan loudly.

"Beautiful," he murmured while he grabbed my hips, holding me in place and thrusting up.

"Again," I gasped, and he obliged, hips pounding against mine. We weren't quiet as we moved together, and that was what I loved about us. He pulled me down to him with a loud grunt as I came, trembling and crying out against his lips.

"Yes," he moaned, turning again, slipping my arms over my head and holding me in place. His pace was relentless, and I reveled in his pleasure until he came with a groan against my neck.

"Fuck," I panted, rubbing a hand over my face. He chuckled as he slipped away from me, disposing of the condom before climbing back into bed.

He lay on his back, hands behind his head and eyes on the ceiling. I didn't move to him, because that wasn't us. We didn't cuddle or sleep over. We fucked and left.

I took a moment before heading to the bathroom to clean up and redress. A flash of gold on the sink made my stomach turn. I picked up the ring with a frown and read the inside of it.

_Forever_ was all it said.

But I knew forever wasn't entirely true, because part of me really _did_ know him.

And sure, maybe he _was_ married. Maybe he did wear that gold band every day, but it didn't really mean anything.

Because he was married to a ghost.

**Him**

She disappeared into the bathroom, and I rolled over, staring at the light beneath the door.

I wanted to ask her to stay, to ask her about her life…but I didn't.

I couldn't do it.

Well, _wouldn't _do it. I wouldn't let myself be drawn in again.

My eyes closed as the bathroom door opened and she slipped out, fully dressed.

Her fingers touched my outstretched wrist and the dark ink there, a constant reminder of what had been lost. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my hair, and then she left.

It was hours before I fell asleep, the whole time spent wishing I could give her more.


	2. Anger

**Steph still owns and stuff. Hugs to my girls and thank you for reading. This story is all written, but I won't be doing teasers or things like normal- the chapters are too short! ;) Thanks again. **

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Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Anger

**Her**

The way women looked at him was sickening. They fawned and smiled, and then batted their eyelashes while they ordered drinks. And he played along. He touched their hands and took the shots they bought for him. He smiled and flirted like he didn't belong to anyone. I knew I shouldn't have cared, because he didn't belong to me.

But I wanted him to.

I wanted him to be mine more than I ever cared to admit.

A leggy blonde made her way up to the bar, and the smile on his face was like looking into direct sunlight. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, and I saw red.

He'd called me earlier and asked me to come by, the same way he always did. I tried to say no, but I couldn't. I couldn't help the way I was drawn to him. I knew he was broken, I knew there were things that he couldn't give me. I knew we'd never be more.

When I arrived, he greeted me briefly before insisting I stay in the bar until he was finished, not trusting me enough to let me into his home alone. I didn't blame him much; there were things he didn't want to tell me and things I was sure I didn't want to know.

Knowing things would only make our arrangement that much more difficult.

Of course, I didn't enjoy being a spectator. I wanted to be the one touching and kissing. That was _my_ job…for the time being, anyways.

After a moment I got up the courage to go to him, still locked in conversation with the blonde. She was beautiful and the complete opposite of me, I could tell just by looking at her.

"I'm leaving," I told him, and he barely looked my way.

"Okay," he responded with a half-glance.

"I guess you can fuck yourself tonight. Or get someone else to. It shouldn't be too hard." I turned away from him and strode toward the door as my anger got the best of me. He called my name as I stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Leah! Wait!"

"I've been waiting for you all night, Edward. Did you get off on making me watch you flirt with everyone in the entire fucking bar?" I spat, and he frowned.

"I was just doing my job. I've got a business to run, you know."

"And throwing it in my face the whole time!"

"That wasn't- you don't understand…"

"What's there to understand? You don't need me. Hell, I'm not even sure you want me most of the time. There are plenty of women that can take my place, Edward, so why don't you just let them?" I turned away before he could respond and left the bar, then caught a cab and made my way home. I wasn't about to make him a priority when he had more important things (more important leggy blonde _people)_ to do. I'd had enough of that in my lifetime.

**Him **

I knocked tentatively on the door, knowing she was already pissed at me. I wasn't trying to make her jealous, but sometimes it just happened. The bar made good business, but it was better when I played a part.

Leah had been right: it would be easy to find someone to take her place.

But she'd also been very wrong…I did want her and _only_ her.

"I don't want to see you," she called from the other side of the door. I leaned my head against it and sighed.

"Please?"

The door opened, and I could make out her shadow in the dark little hallway, stalking away from me.

I caught up quickly and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her against me as she tried to struggle.

"Let _go,"_ she muttered with a sharp elbow to my stomach. I laughed and held her closer.

"I know you don't want me to do that," I whispered against her ear.

She stopped struggling and grumbled something under her breath. "You don't know anything."

"I know you, Leah." I loosened my hold on her waist and let my fingers trail down her slender neck before replacing them with my lips. She shivered and leaned her head back, resting it on my shoulder as my other hand slid down into the waistband of her little sleep shorts.

"I hate you," she said quietly, and then groaned as my fingers slid over her slick skin.

"You don't mean that," I chuckled against her neck.

"I hate what you do to me," was her response. I closed my eyes and ran my nose along her jaw while shifting her feet apart with my own. I angled my wrist to slip my fingers inside of her, touching and teasing until her quiet panting breaths filled the room.

She made a noise, and I pulled off her shorts and yanked off her tank top. Leah turned quickly and removed my shirt before pressing her naked chest against mine. I groaned as she pushed my jeans and boxers over my hips, and stepped out of them while backing her into the dining room.

Once our clothes were out of the way I turned her away from me and placed her hands on her little dining room table.

"Shit," I cursed and slipped away from her, hearing her quiet laugh as I searched through my pockets. I returned quickly, sliding behind her and grasping her hips. Her caramel skin was beautiful against mine and I felt a quick twinge of guilt over our recent conversation.

"Please," she whispered, pushing against me and the guilt disappeared as I slowly thrust inside.

She moaned deeply as I started to move, intent on being gentle and showing her that I was sorry.

"Edward," she said my name through clenched teeth and I smiled. I knew her well enough to know what that meant- to know what she wanted. My hand slid between her thighs as I quickened my pace. She grunted quietly with each movement, a hot little noise in the back of her throat until her body was trembling and tightening around me.

Her own fingers joined mine and my eyes closed, enjoying how she wasn't afraid to get what she wanted. I pulled my hand away, grabbing her hips and pulling her against me. She cried out loudly as she came and I followed, pressing my face to her shoulder and shuddering against her.

"I'm sorry," I said with my lips to her skin, hoping she knew I meant it.

She groaned and stood up straight, pushing me away in the process.

"You're still a jerk," Leah muttered before heading to her bedroom.

I followed with a smile, knowing that was the best I was going to get.


	3. Bargaining

**Thank you all. XOXO**

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Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Bargaining

**Her**

"I'm sorry, Edward. I just can't do it anymore," I said quietly as I gathered my clothes.

"We can make it work, Leah. You know we can." Edward frowned and tugged my shirt from my hands. He pulled me against him and rested his cheek against my hair. I wanted to give in, but I couldn't. As lonely as I was, I knew that we couldn't go on like this. We couldn't keep using each other whenever we wanted.

"No. We can't." I shook my head sadly and held his wrists out, facing up. The names tattooed there were a grave reminder of a life he'd once lived, a life he'd never live with me.

"I need you in my life."

"What about what _I_ need?"

"Tell me what you need. I'll give you everything," he whispered and pressed his forehead to mine.

"Who are they? The names on your wrists? And…" I traced my finger, not over the ink, but the white scar hidden underneath it, "why do you have this?"

"Leah…"

"You can't give me everything, Edward. If you could, you would have already." I touched his face softly before taking my shirt back and closing the bathroom door behind me. He was sitting on the end of when I came out, staring at his hands.

"She was my wife," he said holding out his left arm where _Isabella _was written on his skin. "And my son." He held out his other arm. "Caleb."

I sat next to him and took one of his hands. "And this?" I touched the scar again and he sighed quietly.

"After they died…I didn't want to live anymore." Edward pulled his hand back and stood up, his back to me as he faced the window.

I went to him, touching his shoulder gently, and he turned to me. His eyes were wary as I took his hand and placed the gold band I'd picked up from its temporary spot on the sink in his palm. I didn't know what happened to his family, or how long ago it had been, but I knew enough to understand that he wasn't ready to move on.

Edward looked down at the ring before slowly closing his fingers into a fist.

"I'm sorry, Leah. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want."

"Me too," was my only reply.


	4. Depression

**XOXO**

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Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Depression

**Him **

It had been twenty-nine days.

Twenty-nine days since she'd been in my bed. Since I'd touched her skin or felt her breath.

Almost an entire month without her, and I wasn't faring too well.

So I picked up the phone. I called and texted, but she ignored the missed calls and unread messages.

It was probably better that way. She was right: part of me wasn't ready to move on. I'd been in Seattle just over a year when I met Leah; it had been three years since my wife and son died in a car accident. Three years since I'd tried to take my own life.

I hadn't even thought about moving on before she came along.

When day thirty-one without her hit, I called a different number- her work phone.

We didn't know much about each other, but we knew enough to know how to find each other.

Of course, what her secretary told me helped with a decision that I'd been trying to make since the moment I met her.

**Her **

It was strange to me, to see all these people dressed in black and mourning for him. Seth wouldn't have wanted it- he would have wanted people to celebrate his life.

I watched as they placed the folded-up flag in my mother's arms and as she leaned into the side of her new husband. I listened as the military chaplain spoke, but nothing seemed to resonate with me.

All I could do was think about how people in my life left me when I needed them the most. It wasn't as if they'd had a choice, but it still hurt: my father's heart attack, my brother's tour in Iraq, my mother's remarriage.

My family was gone.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as they lowered my brother into the ground. My mother and I scooped up handfuls of dirt and dropped them in, then turned away. She made her way back to the car with Charlie, but I lingered a few steps behind them.

It took a moment for my eyes to adjust, so I was sure that what I was seeing wasn't real. But as he made his way toward me, and then wrapped me in his warm embrace, I knew he was.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered to my hair.

"What are you doing here?" I touched his face and buried my own in his neck.

"I um…I called your office. Just to- to say hi or something, I don't even know. And they told me," he said quietly.

I hadn't told Edward much about my family, but I had spoken about Seth a few times. It surprised me that he'd listened. I didn't want to think about what it meant that he was there, or about what would happen when it was time for him to leave. Instead I wrapped my arms around his neck and breathed him in, thankful that I had someone to comfort me- even if it were only for a little while.

"You want to get out of here?" he asked after a moment. I could see my mother and Charlie over his shoulder, oblivious to the fact that I wasn't with them, and nodded.

"Can you take me home? I don't have my car here," I explained, and Edward smiled.

"Anywhere you want."

When we made it back to Seattle, Edward took me to the bar. He poured us drinks and led me to his apartment, seemingly lost in thought.

"You don't have to do this, you know," I told him once we were inside.

"I want to." He gave me a soft smile and brushed my hair from my face. I returned his smile and took his drink from his hand, setting his and mine on the little dining room table. My hands cupped the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss, gentle at first, but I wanted more. I _needed_ more.

I needed to pretend for a while. To forget.

His hands moved tentatively over my body, removing the black fabric as he walked me to his bedroom. He was serious as he kissed me, almost reserved in the way he pushed down my panties and guided me to the bed. My hands shook as I unbuttoned his shirt and dress pants, feeling different than I had before.

Maybe I wasn't the only one who needed to pretend.

"You are…so beautiful," he murmured once we were skin to skin. "I don't think I tell you that enough."

I wanted to laugh because it sounded so ridiculous. His sweet words were a stark contrast to the months we'd spent fooling around, fucking whenever and wherever we could.

"I need you," I whispered, drawing him closer. He nodded and slipped his hand between my thighs, dipping his fingers inside and teasing me. His mouth moved over my skin, keeping me on the edge before he finally filled and took my breath away.

It took me a moment to realize that we weren't protected, but another moment to understand that I just didn't care. Right then I wanted all of him.

He sighed my name as we moved. My hands sought every inch of his body, my lips pressed to his skin where I could reach and he did the same. The experience was surreal, and I wanted to be sure I committed every second of to memory.

As his hips moved faster, I felt my body go warm, and his name fell from my lips. He moaned into my neck and I let go, gasping and panting as I came, and then again when he did.

He kissed me gently, but didn't slip away. His green eyes burned into mine and I found myself unable to look away.

Maybe we weren't pretending after all.


	5. Acceptance

**This is the last chapter. Like I said, short and sweet (and maybe a little angsty). Thanks for reading and taking the time to review, I love your love. Thanks to JD and Sarah forever and ever.**

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Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye – Acceptance

**Him **

_I couldn't help but think how beautiful she was as I watched from the edge of the cemetery. Maybe I shouldn't have been thinking it, but I was.__It had surprised me when I called looking for her and they'd told me about her brother. He was the only family she ever talked about, and I finally understood the reason for my ignored phone calls. _

_I found myself worried about her and wanting to comfort her. It had been so long since I'd felt that for another person that it scared me, but I knew what I had to do. _

_There was a moment in our last conversation when I wanted to tell her everything, and now I knew I had to. _

_I wanted to give her everything. _

I watched as she slept, curled up against my pillow her dark hair spilling all around her. She was naked under my sheets, and it made her almost innocent and even more vulnerable.

But I didn't feel vulnerable anymore. I'd meant what I told her the night before.

I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to let her in.

She'd asked me about my family, and I'd told her. There wasn't much of a story to tell, anyways. They were gone and I was here: she knew how that felt. After that the questions kept flowing.

"_Where are you from? Originally, I mean," she asked quietly as her fingers danced across my chest. _

"_New York by way of London," I explained, and she laughed. _

"_That explains the accent." _

"_It isn't as strong as it used to be. I'm very Americanized now," I chuckled, and kissed her hair. "Seattle seemed like a good spot to start over after everything that happened." _

Our conversation had lasted until the early morning hours, something that had never happened before. And then she fell asleep in my arms: another first.

I could feel things changing, and I hoped she could too.

"Edward?" Her voice was raspy and thick with sleep, her hand reaching for me. I smiled and tugged her closer, tucking her head under my chin and pressing a kiss to her hair.

"_I still don't know what to think, you know? He was just a kid and now…" She trailed off and looked down at her hands. I took them in my own and brought them to my lips. _

"_I wish I could help you," I said softly. _

_She smiled. "You are." _

"You're still here," Leah muttered.

"Yes. I live here," I laughed quietly.

"You know what I mean," she replied with a gentle poke in my side.

I nodded and tipped her chin up, needing to see her.

"_Leah?" I said her name as she slipped out of bed. I knew what was coming next, this was a part we played all too well. _

"_Yeah?" she turned to me, dark eyes suspicious. _

"_Stay with me?" _

"I think I'm right where I need to be," I whispered against her lips.

"Yeah. Me too."

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**I imagine them finding a happily ever after, I hope you do too. :) **


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